You say that certain substances lower your inhibitions. What are these inhibitions? They are nothing more than the result of thoughts and rules and the body’s safety programming. You are rightfully inhibited from stepping into a life-threatening situation. You are rightfully inhibited from doing what the culture deems as inappropriate. But what thoughts are inhibiting you from shining your light? Many are deep seated and could stand to be upgraded. To do so without external substances is the goal, dear one. You have the most powerful “substance” available to you now: LIFE.
You are so very loved.
As much as I long to be that loving soul of light, life in a physical human form teaches us all just one great lesson and that is that we can’t trust ANYONE! Don’t all the religions teach the same – love your enemy as yourself? When you get continuously hurt, victimized, abused by other humans & their malicious intent, by those who take advantage of human kindness, innocence, purity and trust, how can you continue being open, trusting, forgiving, loving and why should you? Today’s news story (Alberta’s woman was a long-lost murderer hiding in Alberta, Canada) is just one example in the collective ocean of human tears! It’s not just about losing our loved ones. It’s also about being victimized by those still living amidst us, those who are our own families, our colleagues, our employers as well as complete strangers that one meets on one sunny but tragic day!
https://globalnews.ca/video/10992541/cold-case-cracked-law-officials-confirm-alberta-woman-was-long-lost-u-s-murderer/
I can feel that you are struggling with painful things that occur and rightly so. May I suggest you check out Byron Katie’s The Work.
Also connect to your breath to calm the mind and actually EXPERIENCE what it’s like to just BE with out thought. You may have to work through and heal some pain from the last which has been transformed into long lasting fear. Has fear been a part of how you keep yourself feeling “safe and ready to defend yourself from (further) danger”? I suggest this emotional healing so that you suffer less and and are able to feel safe to just BE and connect to your Deeper Identity rather than identify as you do with the patterns of your painful/ fearful thoughts. It’s not you who is afraid… it is your thoughts that produce fear and weariness in the body. But you are not your body.