When you cannot feel the light within, life does indeed feel quite dark.  You cannot remember how it felt to feel happy, yet you long for that state.  Forget happiness.  It always has an opposite.  Aim for peace.  Aim for knowing divine love intimately, and then turn your sites within.  There you find the peace and love that are your essence.  You have lost them because something in the outer world has gone awry and you thought that was the only world.  Then, when happiness seems far away, you feel lost and bereft.  Again we say, forget happiness, for it will always be balanced with sadness.  This is suffering.

Peace and love are already within, and they are the kind with no opposite.  How to find them?  Sit silently, surrender, and stay there asking Source to help you shift your awareness away from your story.  It may take a while.  Ego will keep telling you that you are wasting your time.  It does not want you to find your True Self.  Be patient.  Surrender your story.  The story will be there after you find the peace and love that is you, but now you will know the story for what it is, and when it knocks you off balance again, you know what to do.