It is with gratitude that I share this post by guest blogger Sally Stacey. Sally is the affiliate leader of the Boca Raton, Florida, chapter of Helping Parents Heal. We enjoyed an insightful phone conversation yesterday in which Sally expressed her concern about some misperceptions that many newly bereaved parents have that may impede their journey here in physical form. That misperception in short: Yes, it is necessary to raise one’s vibration to connect with anyone across the veil, but that does not mean pushing down or denying one’s grief.
I asked Sally to share the wisdom she has learned from her guides and from the passing of her beloved son, Tommy, shown here with Sally, in a special post so that I can share it with you. The insights apply to the grief after any passing, not only that of a child.
Tommy made it clear as we spoke that his mum WILL put all of this into a book, and I look forward to that day!
Parental Grief and Connection
by Sally Stacey
Time and time again, I hear and read of newly bereaved parents expressing concerns in relation to their feelings of grief. They fear that their feelings are a block, preventing them from having a relationship with their child. And no wonder, the link between grief and a lower vibration is widely talked and written about. Such fears can lead to parents actively suppressing their sadness and any feelings of grief whilst simultaneously placing all their focus on learning how to connect. The desire to connect is understandable…as is the desire not to feel the raw pain that arrives in waves and threatens to consume. Ironically, the suppression of grief, the attempted bypassing of it…can in itself become a block.
There is truth in the statement that grief can lower your vibration, but it’s only part of the story in relation to the grieving process.
Grief brings to the surface a myriad of emotions, some easy to understand and some confusing. The emotions that surface aren’t good or bad, that’s human judgement and labelling coming into play…emotions are simply valuable indicators of what’s going on internally. Each can bring much learning about Self as it is processed and ultimately released. When thought of in these terms, no grief emotion need be feared, considered negative or pushed away.
As many parents who have gone through the experience of child “loss” can attest to, the passing of a child can break a parent wide open. Every belief, every perception of the world and a parent’s place within it can shatter…and fall like shards of glass that scatter wide and far on a tiled floor. A parent’s concept of God can be all but destroyed. The outside world that was once so familiar keeps on turning, as if nothing has happened. Nothing makes sense anymore. Life will never be the same again. Choices, whether conscious or subconscious, are made as to the new life to be built.
So many questions erupt and come to the surface as grief rears it’s head. Some questions don’t have answers (in our lifetime) and acceptance has to happen by way of trusting in the unknown. For others, the answers come when they’re meant to…like pieces of a jigsaw that quietly fall into place as our grief evolves. The healthy processing of grief can provide enormous amounts of fodder for spiritual growth, it can lead to a beautiful and endless awakening. And the child who has passed understands the role grief plays, they have the bigger picture vantage point.
There are many variables that go into the raising or lowering of our vibration. Grief is but one. Love is the biggest one. Meditation. Prayer. Spiritual practices with or without a religious lean. Gratitude. Mindfulness. Ego related gunk that we accumulate over a lifetime which is either shed or kept. Mind Focus. Helping Others. Emotional Maturity. Kindness and Compassion. The list goes on. Yet, it’s grief that seems to get the worst rap in relation to vibration level and connection after a child passes. If you’re a parent who has a child in spirit, think big picture. Think big picture You. Where are your strengths? What can you add or improve? What can you work on whilst you honor your grief ? And by honoring your grief, I mean creating space for it…leaning into it, feeling it, learning from it and then releasing it.
As we all know, grief is a personal and intimate process…just as the relationship was and is with a loved one that has passed. In the short term, grief can indeed lower your vibration but when honoured as has been talked about, this period of time is not of significant length. And any lowering can be countered by ways such as described in the previous paragraph. In the long term, the healthy processing of grief and all its components….will raise your vibration. Grief and connection can and do walk hand in hand.